I am one of those people who just has awful coping skills due to trauma, genetics, and just being overly sensitive in general. Alcohol is a cheap alternative to sedatives and a way to numb out sadness, anger, and anxiety. Easily the reason why millennials are the heaviest drinkers in history. I've had the most emotionally rock bottom year and rather than sit in a house that I still share with my ex husband, I go out and try to escape reality with other people who are equally as psychologically scarred. It doesn't make things better - it seems like it in the moment, but it's only delaying dealing with feelings and problems. Life is often too heavy to bear and I've spent a lot of time in the past week questioning the point of my existence. To be honest, I haven't found an answer. I'm grateful to have people who care about me, I just need to figure out what to do with myself. I'm physically and emotionally exhausted. I don't like isolating and not drinking means total isolation since I work in the industry and everyone I know drinks. Here's to figuring out what I'm doing.